Brave New World

I’ve moved away from BMWs as I’ve reasoned they are a premium brand that attracts a premium rate on Company Car Tax.

Yes a plug in hybrid 3 Series would be great, but it really is beyond my requirements, so last time round I switched into a Hyundai that gave me 3 years faithful service with very little trouble.

My experience showed the Ioniq could be every bit as satisfying to own as a 50% dearer blue propellor, whilst also averaging around 60 mpg across 3 years.

So I could have bought another (even if “ordinary” Ioniqs are no longer made), but instead I chose a TAX BREAK special, the Astra Plug in Hybrid. Only problem is the car hasn’t arrived and my company car went back over 3 weeks ago.

The local Vauxhall dealer is actually part of the Stellantis empire, and the service hasn’t been in the BMWleague.

Faced with a cancelled order they have (at last) provided a courtesy car. This one came with mud all over it, smells of Jelly Beans, and is a manual. Why do people buy manuals if the vehicle isn’t going to be used on a race track or rally stage.

Driving around the south east and swapping cogs isn’t a recipe for motoring satisfaction. Especially when you’ve got aVuaxhall Crossland GSi Line 1.2 Turbo.

Plus Points.

Willing thrummy 1.2 litre engine, and reasonable economy potential.

Bright interior, with white and red accents (better than claustrophobic BMW anthracite).

Lots of standard kit.

Big boot.

It hasn’t cost me anything!

Minus Points.

Cruise Control lacks radar distance control.

Navigation system won’t let me hear the radio when Sat Nav woman wants to guide me.

The seats have a curious mixture of manual adjustment for most key functions, but a curious touch sensitive button for lumbar support. I’ve tried numerous configurations – they’re all uncomfortable.

Lights are okay, but no auto-dimming.

Why are the wheels so big? They look like they fell of a Norfolk Crop Sprayer, totally out of keeping with a boring Mummy car.

No heated seats! I thought virtually every car has them these days – apparently not.

The back end has a big hatch, spacious boot (no flat loading, but that’s fine by me). the rear wiper is too small, and when the M25 spray is swirling the rear screen gives an inadequate view.

It looks a bit like an overblown Fiesta, but all the key proportions are wrong. The red line is snazzy, the visor grille looks good otherwise ungainly.

This looks like it could be related to an Indian Elephant, the door mirror casings are so big. Incidentally the internal rear view mirror is too small, and the reversing camera image quality is very poor.

Old fashioned manual handbrake? Yup – it has one. They seem so clumsy after years of the electronic equivalent.

In summary. A suitable bus for the short term user.

Any one for Golf?

VW GOLF Estate 1.5 DSG Auto – 2020

Here’s what I got when “my” Mini hit a pot hole last week.

A very boring and sensible vehicle.

I’ll start with the “likes”.

Nice airy interior, pleasant steering, super smooth DSG auto gearbox.

Indifferent bits.

An oh so boring dashboard.

Why is it VW always make the dashboards, sat navs, and ancillaries “just good enough” rather than excellent?

BMW are my favourites in this area, Audi are good, Hyundai good, Mini very good and VW poor.

Poor/bad points.

Seats, lots of adjustment – default setting not very comfortable backrest, which can be adjusted with a lumbar support to be super uncomfortable.

Looks – the basic Golf looks fab – this looks awful. Like a post office van rather than a nice long estate.

The rear seats have picnic tables, which says it all really. This is not a car for a 64 year old man who likes driving.

I’ve long believed VW were no better than BL, but just had a better marketing department/partners.

For me this VW is the modern equivalent of a Morris Marina. Utterly uninspiring. Totally dull.

Overall score 5 out 10.

Go Kart Tendencies – Mini Cooper

I haven’t driven a fun car in absolutely ages, but that all changed when I picked the keys to a 2022 Mini Cooper.

My first impressions of the car were not that favourable.

The lazy folk at enterprise handed it over with a footwell full of snow.

Funny how they come over all charming and friendly, but then hope you miss the damaged wheels as they show around inside a darkened garage.

Once on the open road I had a strong impression that I wasn’t in a car at all, but had become trapped inside the slot of a Royal Mail letterbox.

My next consideration was performance.

I’m told my 2020 Hyundai Ioniq (which is probably sitting in an Auction room now) had 141 bhp. The 5dr Mini has 136 bhp. Strange that as the less powerful car is about 3 seconds quicker to 60, and will go 15mph faster overall.

How can I explain the difference?

Well I guess my Ioniq was all about efficiency and good fuel consumption. It weighed 1870 kg and had a 6 speed auto, weighs 1610 kg and has a super efficient BMW 8 speed auto box.

So the “lightweight” Mini will obviously struggle to give a cossetting big car feel? Er, no! The suspension is not only good around corners, but very absorbent when hitting potholes. My last car may have muffled the sound better, but the Mini Cooper actually smothers the bumps.

The rest of the driving experience? A typically chunky leather steering wheel feels nicer then the cheap Korean alternative – but on these cold mornings I have missed the heated steering wheel. The Mini seats are better, with BMW M Sport style adjustable squab (but no electrical adjustment).

The radio sounds good, and I like digital interface which shows the station host clearly in colour, rather than just a boring type face in the Ioniq.

Economy – ah the Hyundai wins by miles. In my 3 years with an Ioniq it averaged around 57 mpg in the winter, and 63 mpg on summer tyres. The Mini? Just 46 mpg in the first week of tenure.

Switchgear and feelgood factors are abundant, but the sun visors are a joke. Try the M25 when the sun is shining on the southern stretch at the end of a day and you’ll be blinded by sun from the South-West.

Rear space? Terrible.

Boot space, better than expected.

Biggest ommission? No rear view camera, next gripe no blind spot warning.

Silliest design flaw – hard plastic door bins and hopeless oddments trays. Accelerate or brake, and all your odds and sods fly about making a horrid noise.

In ye olden days BMW used to put felt in the door bins to overcome the problem. How come Hynudai can make door bins that work without felt, but Mini can’t do the same?

Overall impression?

8 out of 10

The day after writing this post I hit yet another Sussex pothole which burst the n/s/f wheel. I seem to get one nasty flat every 18 months.

This time I was on Imberhorne Lane, East Grinstead with a car coming towards me and what looked like a minor hole destroyed a tyre. Aaagh. No run flats on this Mini, so my love affair lasted only one week!